So here’s the run down on me and who I am to get you started and help you decide if you want to read the next thrilling chapter of my rambling mind…
I am in what is considered the right end of my thirties but often feel 15 on a good day, 55 on a bad one (and not one of those trendy 55 year olds that goes to spin classes, wears clothes too young for their age and drives a car more suited to a gay hairdresser). I have a lot of bad days.
Me and the significant other (often referred to as hubby because I refuse to say boyfriend at my age) have been together long enough to finish each others sentences, now if only we had anything to say to each other after 11 years we could put it into practice. We often refuse to speak to each other ‘until I get an apology’ regardless of whether or not we can remember what it was for. Barenaked Ladies ‘One Week’ is the closest we can find to ‘our song’ unless you count that one by Rage Against the Machine with the catchy swear line chorus. We never married but we did come close once – a story for another day.
We have 2 small people in our house – the squigglers – currently 5 years old and female and 2 and a half, who I assume is half male, half monster. You’ll read a lot about them in blogs to come so I won’t go into too much detail for now.
My own immediate family live in other pleasant parts of our fine country but hubby’s family all live within spitting distance – not that we often spit at each other, things have not deteriorated that far… yet. Having moved up to Suffolk to live with significant other almost 11 years ago I can safely say that his family and I have finally found our groove after what has often been a pretty bumpy ride.
My defining moments are few and simple:
My dad died when I was 24, it wasn’t sudden but it was quick and it has had quite a far-reaching effect on me and my outlook on life. Mainly that I like to quote various meaningful phrases and anecdotes that I desperately cling to in the hopes of always remembering him in the nicest possible way.
I declared myself bankrupt the same year resulting in severe and deep-set issues with money management and a strong impulse to buy crap I don’t need and crap for other people that they don’t particularly want.
I was severely depressed after the birth of 5-year-old, resulting in me returning very quickly to a job I didn’t like, working for people I didn’t respect only to decide 18 months later that I felt better now so quit without notice (clearly I was still a little wrong in the head!) but looking back now it all seems quite funny – more to come another day.
I am blaming my desire to blog on hubby’s sister. She has spent the last year telling me I’m funny and this is my own narcissistic way of finding out if anyone else thinks so. But please don’t think this will be an ongoing comedy blog – I know I’m not funny enough to maintain it under that kind of pressure.
I learned very quickly that people from East Anglia do NOT think I’m funny. If you’re not from here and preferably from further south then I probably won’t have had to say – ‘you do realise I’m joking right?’ at the end of every comment I’ve made about beating someone to death, giving my children away or running over significant other and then reversing to check I got him. There are people here that find me funny but they’re probably not ‘from’ here if you get my meaning!
I was a fairly intelligent teenager. I had the ability to build strong foundations for a great career down the line. But after getting a boyfriend at 16 (2 weeks into starting A-Levels) I lost all interest in anything that did not revolve around him so left the sixth form and started working. Again, I could have gone far and the opportunities were certainly there for me but I never seemed to quite get off the ground for one reason or another.
I’ve had some good jobs over the years and been good at what I did but children, life and all the other circumstances we all face have put me on this path and I am a great believer that regret gets you nowhere just as looking at the past will only make you miss the present.
These days I work on the tills in a supermarket – yes, I am completely unfulfilled and therefore trying to create a sub-life through blogging. My brain has become quite squishy over the last few years, a lot of the big words I used to apply to sentences to point out how intelligent I was in comparison to others suddenly escape me and without a regular brain work-out I will never be able to return to that level of arrogance again.
Oh, I am terribly sarcastic and a bit of a bitch – apparently?
And finally, if you are silly enough to take anything I say very seriously and do something annoying like get offended then please let me remind you that one person’s opinion doesn’t actually have to affect you in any way whatsoever. My opinion defines who I am – not who you should be. As a functioning human being you are entirely capable of choosing not to read this and if I had to point that out to you I very much doubt that you and I would get on in the real world anyway.
From start to finish please remember the one thing that those who know me will say is my defining quality: If you don’t want to hear the truth, the opinion you’ve been avoiding or that, infact yes, your bum DOES look big in that – then DON’T ASK ME!!!